Just My Journal

Thanks for coming in at 11 PM while we're trying to make your mother comfortable enough to sleep. Thank you for coming to see your mom for 30 minutes, I've just been here for hours. Making sure she gets pain pills without oversedating her. It's been a problem in the past, and I don't want to create another one for her now. She can't move that well on her own. So it's not a problem when a nurse or a nursing assistant use a gait belt and a Sara Steady just to get your mom from the bed to the chair and back again. Actually, two people are needed just for this one task to make sure she's safe. And sometimes two people are needed to reposition her every two hours - in reality even more frequently because she's so uncomfortable laying down or sitting.  She gets anxious. So anxiety meds have been ordered and changed for her. But it's not enough. So she asks me to hold her hand. She gets lonely, so we called the chaplain, volunteer services, and art

"Did you hear about another school shooting today?" They asked me. "Ten people, Texas." I didn't even flinch when they told me. And for the record, no I didn't know. I just keep watching Netflix on my laptop. Did you read that? The fact that another 10 people are dead due to gun violence didn't even phase me. I've become numb to news like that. And it's as if it has to happen close to home for me to even care. But I don't want that to be the reason I care. Because how tragic would that be? At least for the people who live here. I'm so sick of thoughts and prayers . While they're good intentions, that's all they are - intentions. Where's the action ? I know it's out there, somewhere. I just wish I could get back to the place where a school shooting, or any shooting, actually mattered to me.

"Do you want to wait in the car? Or do you want to help start the fire?" Nic asked. It was a cool December night, and the prospect of starting a fire didn't enthuse me. "I'll stay here," I said. As he walked away, I grabbed my phone to update my roommates. It took him a couple of minutes before he came back. Enough to tell them how it was a weird date and how he's nice but I'm not sure yet. The fire was nice, warm. Two chairs were set up, side by side. Nic put a lantern on a tree branch to light our way back. It didn't take long for us to kiss under the stars. It was intense, the kind of kiss where explosions go off in the background. The scent of bonfire lingered long after we left his backyard, and as the fire died out ours didn't. He lead me from the fire pit back the house where we spent the night in the basement. Well, most of the night. I left at 3 AM because I had class the next day, not to mention my roommates were wondering where I

When people ask how I met you, I like to answer with "online." Although that's the simplified answer, it's the truth. The long answer, we met through an app called Whisper . If you've never used Whisper it's a confession app. People post about anything and everything there. Me? I was posting about my relationship life, or lack of one probably. I don't remember what the confession was that got us talking, probably something along the lines of "just a nice girl looking for a nice guy." You say that you messaged first, although I beg to differ. That's something we still disagree about to this day. We didn't message long before you mentioned dinner. Applebee's for wings. But instead of meeting at the restaurant, you wanted to meet in a parking garage. I was skeptical, to say the least. You wanted to meet there because there were cameras so my car wouldn't get stolen or something like that. And while the cameras made me feel a littl